Never crossed my mind that unpin someone from your chat is a woeful thing to do. Unpin someone or group chat when it used to be your 24/7 prioritize for a long time means you have to move on and continue living your life and get another chance.
A sign that your communication frequency is decreasing, you are not his priority anymore.
#1 when our class take a picture together at syukwis lastnite, he was already on the right side of photobooth, then when i headed on the right side suddenly he went to the left side. #2 the fact that he didn't attend syukwis from the beginning bcs i was mc-ing the event #3 i was talking to someone when he suddenly came from nowhere and he didnt say anything to me even for a simple 'hi' but he greeted the person that i was talking to #4 he didn't response to my response at ***** group chat when i asked something directly to him #5 last thursday was my worst day. we used to throw jokes at each other during the lab, but last thursday he did not even talked a word. #6 during the lab discussion, he was sitting on the right side and I knew he was avoiding me, so I tried to find a place to keep a distance. but, finally he went to take another chair and moved to the other side. #7 he didn't laugh at my jokes when everyone in my group does. The feeling when you dont know anything when you used to be the center of everything.
the fact that i cant write anything poetic to express my feeling is freaking me out.
Rasanya, sebelum kamu tiba-tiba menjauh kita pernah sedekat ini:
"Sal, aku mau minta pendapat kamu." seperti biasa, dengan gayamu berbicara. Seusai forum angkatan. "Kenapa?" "Aku mau minta tolong. Tolong menurut kamu, apa yang perlu dikoreksi dari aku?" "Haha. Kenapa? Kok tumben nanya kaya gitu." "Gapapa. Kan mau jadi pribadi yang lebih baik." "Mau maju jadi kahim ya kamu? Atau senator?" Bencandaku. "Ya, aku mau aku kapabel untuk keduanya. tapi tujuan ku memperbaiki diri bukan kesana." Percakapan itu berlanjut, dan mendaratkan kita di sebuah tempat makan. Di malam paling bahagiaku waktu itu tidak pernah aku sangka akan menjadi percakapan hangat terakhir kita sebelum akhirnya kita berjarak. "Kok kamu keren si Sal."
Katamu, usai aku menjawab pertanyaan massa pada forum malam itu. Tidak pernah aku sangka ternyata menahan senyum sepanjang forum malam yang memanas menjadi hal yang sulit untuk dilakukan. yang dipaksa menghilang malah bertahan, yang ingin dipertahankan malah menghilang.
rasanya aku ingin pandai tanpa terlalu melibatkan banyak sekali usaha di dalamnya seperti orang lain.
rasanya aku ingin menjalankan hobiku tanpa menganggu akademisku seperti yang lainnya. rasanya aku ingin terlihat tidak terlalu ambisius namun menghasilkan pencapaian yang luar biasa. |
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May 2021
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